This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
