I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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