I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
