I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
