Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
