Girls should come with a carfax report
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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