Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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