it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
