She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
