I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
