when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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