her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
