Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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