I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
