my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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