What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
