Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
