It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
