I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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