Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
