remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
