what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
