I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
