you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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