It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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