Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
