I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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