I cannot find my penis.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
