Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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