I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I met the friendliest cop last night
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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