why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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