1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
