I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
