two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
