I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
