I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
