I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
