I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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