uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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