Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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