I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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