just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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