You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
