Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My feet surprised me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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