Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize