dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
