So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize