I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
