1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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