Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
