I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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