Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
