guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
