the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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