yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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