i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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