There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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