I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
