the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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