that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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