im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
