Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
