Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
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I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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