How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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