You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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