I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
