I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
