Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Text me some of your sweat
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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