you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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