whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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