When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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