is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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