I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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