i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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