I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.