they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
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this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
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Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.