I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Good thing I've started drinking again
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.