Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment