i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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